From rags to riches to pariah to chains; Ken Bone seems to have finally completed his meteoric rise and fall. Going from unknown fat man with poor fashion taste and flimsy political beliefs, to sexual deviant, to alleged convicted drug mule in mere months.

RWWN sources tell us that Bone, of presidential debate fame, was captured transporting 100 pounds of opium across the Canadian border into Vermont. According to Vermont State Police the opium seems to have originated in Mongolia. Law enforcement believes Bone chose Mongolian opium because the country does not have an extradition agreement with the United States.

According to RWWN sources within the Vermont State Police Department, Bone’s PT Cruiser Woody was originally flagged by a patrol officer for discarding a Twinkie wrapper from his car window in a no littering zone. Bone then began driving erratically and was visibly shaken when police approached the car.

This story, once again, reminds us of the perils of the social media age; where a person can gain international fame in a few short seconds. Bone became an overnight celebrity for his seemingly lovable personality and goofy outfit in the 2nd Presidential Debate (in which Mr. Trump handily defeated Ms. Clinton (the author believes the Clintons are actually divorced in real life and therefore uses the unmarried personal title)). Little did the famously trusting and friendly American people know that Mr. Bone was actually an international drug trafficker.

Stay woke folks, stay woke.

B.K.